The O’Toole Chronicles: Ordinary People

Life is chock full of teachable moments and, hopefully, we don’t ever stop receiving these pieces of joy. Let’s roll the videotape.

I recently saw a movie that was produced the same year Ronald Reagan won his first term in the White House and was pleasantly surprised by the relatable life experiences found in that movie.

The movie, Ordinary People, which won Best Picture (and three other Oscars) in 1980, starred Donald Sutherland, Timothy Hutton, Mary Tyler Moore, Judd Hirsh, and Elizabeth McGovern. Robert Redford directed this box office hit, which was a huge commercial and critical success.

The plot circles around the family drama of a married couple with a tragic twist. One of their two sons dies in a boating accident and the parents and surviving son are distraught and consumed with guilt and heaviness. We all know from our own experiences that everyone deals with death and pain very differently.

In the movie, the surviving son tries to commit suicide as he blames himself for the death of his dear sibling. The mother falls into a catatonic state and all but ignores the in-need son and seemingly is indifferent to her spouse. The dad goes into survivor mode and can’t hold it all together.

Timothy Hutton plays the emotionally vulnerable and fragile son and can’t escape the self-blame. Donald Sutherland plays the role of the patriarch, and is trying to hold his entire family together, but he soon realizes that there are large consequences to the family’s handling of the death. Mary Tyler Moore is superb as she plays the tough role of the matriarch as she puts up a stoic front to deal with the tragedy.

Depressed yet and you think that your family is going through craziness?

The end of the movie finds the dad and son having a heart to heart and the dad is blaming himself for not being able to hold it all together and fix it. The son turns to his dad and states:

“I thought that you had a handle on everything. You knew it all. It wasn’t fair but you always made us feel like it was going to be alright.”

Tim’s character went on to prop up his dad and said, “I thought a lot of about it, and I really admire you.”

The dad turns to his son and amidst the tears lands a doozy, “Son, don’t admire people too much, they will disappoint you sometime.”

We have discussed this reoccurring theme before, but be careful when it comes to expectations. As a very wise person once told me, don’t hold others to unfair expectations, and don’t hold them even to your own expectations—because it is unfair to them and eventually, they will disappoint you.

We are all truly ordinary people, and we aren’t built with superhuman intelligence or powers. The expectations game is tricky and dangerous, and we shouldn’t make the mistake of our parents. They didn’t have all the answers, and they didn’t do everything right; in some cases, it was just the opposite.

But let’s not lose sight of the point of today’s column.

We deal with stress and huge problems every day, let’s not foist unrealistic expectations on the people around us as it only leads to more disappointment and more distress.