I am not okay
I’m barely hanging on
I’m losing track of the days
And losing sleep at night
I’m hanging on the rails
So if I say I’m fine
Just know I learned to hide it well.
— Jelly Roll
I was listening to this song by Jelly Roll the other day and knew I had to use this moving and personal song to help the long overdue conversation about the very difficult topic of childhood bullying. We all know what bullying is, and many of us witnessed or experienced this trauma in our own childhoods. But while we have some casual acquaintance with the concept of bullying, chances are we don’t understand or come to grips with the phenomenon called Bullycide, which is the unthinkable act of committing suicide after being subjected to any length of bullying.
The time is now to have a real conversation around the proverbial dinner table and do something positive to address bullycide.
Let’s start this uncomfortable discussion and confront this horrifyingly insidious evil that permeates our communities and then let’s eradicate this pervasive menace. I think it is best and most effective that when we have a societal problem, we need to see a face, say a name, and personalize the cause, and then, and only then, can we start to move the needle.
To that end, please meet Ashawnty, Sammy, Flora, and Adriana.
Ashawnty Davis was a beautiful fifth grader with a smile that could power the sun. According to news reports, Ashawnty was involved in a school altercation, and someone posted the event of this precious 10-year-old on an app. It went viral in school and according to her mom, Ashawnty “was devastated” when she found out. Two weeks later, Ashawnty hanged herself in a closet in her home. The parents complained that the school should have done more and through their horrific grief are pledging to make sure that this doesn’t happen to others: “with the last breath in my life I’m going to make sure that the unfortunate kids can go to school comfortably and learn,” said Mrs. Davis. This student at Cherry Creek School in Aurora, Colorado is missed every day by her friends and family.
Sammy Teusch was a ten-year-old student and had three siblings. The family loved ping-pong and ring toss and would often play together. One morning as breakfast was being cooked, his parents called out for Sammy. Sammy never responded and his parents found their beautifully spontaneous son, a 4th grader, dead. After enduring constant bullying at his new school, in a new state (Indiana from Florida), this “good hearted kid” who loved fishing and the outdoors took his own life.
Sammy’s parents are forever changed, but they don’t want Sammy’s death to be wasted or unnoticed. Described as an “amazing, amazing kid,” his parents are listening now to Sammy’s voice. The parents started an online petition and are asking Congress to pass strong anti-bullying legislation.
Flora Martinez took her own life on May 7, 2024, just two days after Sammy Teusch took his life. Flora was victimized by “horrific bullying” and Flora’s mom said that Flora was “bullied to death.” Flora’s parents complained for weeks about the school bullying and even kept Flora home for two weeks. Flora was a 6th grader and couldn’t take the prolonged abuse. Las Vegas lost one of its brightest lights when Flora passed away.
Closer to home, Adriana Kuch was a 14-year-old from Central Regional High School in Berkeley Township, New Jersey and was bullied and attacked by several students on February 1, 2023. The heinous attack was captured on video and sent spiraling onto social media. The aftermath of the physical assault was painful enough, but the cyberbullying after the posting compounded the pain. Two days later, Adriana committed suicide at home and it was because of the emotional and physical distress and humiliation she suffered. Adrina’s dad said, “Adriana was the light of our lives, and one year later after this horrific and needless attack, we are still waiting for justice.”
Four juveniles face criminal charges, but nothing can block the imagery of Adriana getting punched, kicked, and violently hit with a water bottle. The attack was so severe that Adriana lost consciousness. Prior to this attack, Adriana was such a light of joy, she radiated goodness and happiness. Our State is less friendly and sadder after the passing of Adriana.
Growing up, I don’t ever recall hearing about some student killing themselves over bullying. But maybe the lack of open and honest conversations and the lack of social media allowed a quiet silence to allow this crime to go unnoticed. I do recall seeing playground bullying, but we never openly discussed this simmering social crime as it invaded not only our playgrounds but seeped into our homes, places of worship, and even our backyards. In those days, parents and teachers didn’t acknowledge it, and when bullying raised its ugly head, it was simply dismissed as “kids being kids.” We can all agree now that this type of behavior can’t be condoned and none of it would make good copy for a Leave it to Beaver show.
What are we to do?
We need to spend more time and money educating the public on the core components of bullying, and we all need to understand the direct link between bullying and suicide. Bullycide maybe a new term of art, but we all need talk to our children and colleagues about this life and death issue. We need to spend resources on providing help and assistance to the victims and we should spend money on the prosecution of these ruthless assailants. The guilty participants should spend real time in a real prison, and we can’t excuse this as childhood mischief.
We need to engage active dialogue in schools, and we must more readily spot this behavior. We don’t have to rush to judgement and blame all school officials, but those very officials must act quickly and decisively when the issue is spotted or complained about.
Legislators should take action to encourage a discussion and have some experts talk about what we need to do as a state to move forward.
As a community, we need to band together to identify this problem, and we need to bring communal attention to this long standing wrong.
As parents, we need to have frank conversations with our children, and we need to pick up on the signs more readily. We need to give hope, love and support to the victims and take immediate action to stop it and try and heal the hurt. As my daughter, Ryan Marie, told me when I was writing this, “I only wish we could talk to every child and tell them it will be alright, maybe we can save a few lives.” Good advice Ryan Marie.
A few facts:
Nationally, between 2000 and 2018, the suicide rate among youth ages 10 to 24 rose from 6.8 per 100,000 to 10.7 per 100,000.
This rise in suicides pushed suicide into the second leading cause of death for people ages 10 to o14 in 2021.
New Jersey has the second highest rate of teen suicide.
From 2019 to 2021 in New Jersey, there were 5.2 teen suicides per 100,000 (ages 15 to 19).
According to one study, in 2021-2022, about 19% of students ages 12-18 reported being bullied. Among those bullied, 22% reported that the bullying happened online or by text.
I know, I can’t be the only one
Who’s holding on for dear life
But God knows, I know
When it’s all said and done
I’m not okay
But it’s all gonna be alright
It’s not okay
But we’re all gonna be alright
— Jelly Roll