I need someone to heal, someone to know
Somebody to have, somebody to hold
It’s easy to say, but it’s never the same
I guess I kinds liked the way you numbed all the pain
“Someone you Loved” – Lewis Capaldi
I recently had a long-awaited return to Newark’s North Ward Center and so many feelings came rushing back as I found my way back to this historic and iconic building.
For more years than I can remember, I spent much time with Steve Adubato Sr. as I watched the Obei Wan of Jersey politics operate his life-changing community operations from his throne at the North Ward Center.
As I have stated before, Steve was a political father to me even though we weren’t always on the same page. We were adversaries, turned allies, turned friends, and then the political love affair lasted until his untimely passing.
In the old days, being summoned to the North Ward wasn’t always regarded as a treat. I’ve witnessed political futures and fortunes both made and lost in that place. I’ve seen the birth of governors, U.S. senators, congress members, senate presidents, speakers and on and on. A full story or movie can be made on the history and impact of this magnificent place.
You need to understand that I was considered an outsider to the place but had frequent flier miles as I surfaced in and out of some improbable political machinations.
Most of the meetings occurred in the infamous backroom of this building and on rare occasions we went up to the conference room on the second floor. As you walked into the conference room, you were greeted with a monstrous painting of an ominous-looking graveyard on the left wall. There was a larger-than-life picture of Steve overlooking his own gravestone. The eerie grey background of this startling picture was Steve’s tombstone and etched on the headstone…He wasn’t a good guy…
How is that for an introduction?
Despite the epitaph, Steve was a fabulous individual who impacted tens of thousands of lives, helped so many people obtain their American dream of education, self-reliance, and independence.
The point of this column isn’t to churn up stories of the legendary Steve, but to talk about the imagery of this gravestone in that conference room. I know that I’m mixing oil and vinegar, but as I recalled that photo, I flashed back to a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where they eulogized a living person. Time to jump the shark.
One of the common themes that I have written about lately is the stunning blindness that modern day folks have about their own shortcomings and with it, a complete and utter lack of self-awareness. I truly believe that our modern-day politician is tuned out, lacking connectivity more than ever before.
This recent trip got me thinking about and wondering if we heard our living eulogy, would we act any differently after hearing about the person we truly are?
If you were able to sit and listen to your own eulogy, would you be surprised or shocked? Happy? Hysterical? Sad? Regretful? I submit that you would be a little of each emotion as you faced the truth of the life that you chose to live.
Let’s get down to the nuts and bolts. If you held a living eulogy today, what would they talk about?
Would they talk about your kindness?
Would they talk about your lifetime of charity?
Would you be missed?
Did you improve the lives of others?
Did you pass along goodness that was shown to you?
Did you bring joy to this world?
Did you do right when no one else was looking?
Did you serve well and treasure true friendships?
Did you try and keep intact the core of your family?
Were you truly a good person?
Were you a person of great jealousy?
Were you a person of anger and deceit?
These are all interesting questions, but the truth is that none of us will know what our eulogy will bring – it just isn’t in the cards. Short of that, maybe the next time you are with your friends and family, have a discussion about the person you think you are and discover the truth. I think most of us will be surprised by the feedback because we never truly see ourselves as we are seen by others.