There is an old saying, credited to motivational author Jim Rohn, that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
I’m not sure about the math, but I’m fairly certain the principle holds true. For those who prefer their wisdom in cinematic form, The Godfather captures the essence well: choose your company wisely, for you are the company you keep.
Thank you, Michael.
As for the circle you choose, you know the drill.
Spend enough time around people who complain, and eventually everything looks and sounds like a problem. Surround yourself with cynics and doubters, and you can feel your once-healthy optimism fade. And if you find yourself among a gaggle of gossipers, rest assured that when you leave the room, that same group will gossip about you.
News flash: negativity is contagious. It is nasty, viral, and thrives under the right conditions. Fortunately, so does positivity.
From my experience, some people enter a room and somehow make everyone feel better. They celebrate your victories without jealousy and stand by you when things go sideways. These points of light are filled with a positive spirit and view the world with an uplifting perspective. They make you feel validated and push you to be a better version of yourself. Perhaps we need more of these folks.
And then you have the other side.
The perpetual boobirds. The constant critics. The chronic whiners and scorekeepers. These people are energized by someone else’s failure and find odd comfort in others’ misery. Even worse, they take pleasure in others’ failures. They don’t uplift; they pull you down.
Some of us have spent a fair part of our lives surrounded by people who make climbing up that hill harder. They aren’t helping; instead, they find joy in dragging their heels and making that hill nearly impossible to scale. These selfish individuals count your money and resent whatever success you might have—professional, personal, or financial. It is an odd and difficult concept for most of us to understand.
So, if we are truly the average of the five people, we spend the most time with, we should choose wisely.
As I often say, life is short. Our time is finite. Perhaps we should work on finding people who make our lives better, not worse. We should seek out folks with ladders, not shovels.
We should spend time with people who make us laugh, think more deeply and openly, live more healthily, work more effectively, and dream bigger. And we should ask ourselves whether we are that person to others.
Ultimately, we all get to choose our circle. Choose carefully. Your circle doesn’t just reveal who you are. Over time, it helps determine who you become.